Some times I am reminder of the idea that we don’t have to make decisions in chaos or when they are rapidly changing. We don’t need to react to the chaos. I noticed in my Job lately that the students I work with are having a lot put on them at one time. Some are crying and getting overwhelmed by what going on. They have a lot to deal with as what happening around changes and since we such a let fix the problems society. I am just as guilty. It seems to me that sometimes we rush to fix and solve things that could probably be solved if we just chilled out and took the time to ground ourselves and clear our mind emotionally etc. think of the world we could have if things were not always created in our trauma minds or or our rush to go back to normal. We create what we think I believe it I lived it for so long and now slowly over time I changed what I tell myself and try very hard not to rush. I learn in my life only in calm can we truly know who we are and what healing needs to happen. These kids are great examples of mirrors for us to know what we should work on inside ourselves. For me working to allow these kids to have their feelings is important and express themselves. Yes it hard and yes they may break the rules but they need to let off stream. So do we all . Won’t be great if we took the time to let out our truth beautiful selfs. Sometimes we need to peel away the ugly side and get rid of the old man. Yes it painful and yes the world Is crazy right now but think of the beautiful things that will take place in our hearts and minds because we decided to slow down
I was thinking a lot about last message and reflecting on how to move forward in the way I give power to something and I came this weekend to understanding that sometimes it ok not to know the answers and it Ok to be upset about things that are going on in the world . On Tuesday I begin the fall version of Mpls kids which is emergency child care I am going have my own classroom with some there in the mornings will be there in afternoon helping as much I can distance learning. I not supposed to help with school work etc. I only supposed to be tell if they asked for help to ask their teacher s or parents . I see my role in as very unclear as I going to get a lot to help but I see my role as one allows them to express what ever going with their feeling, I going to share with them if I get the guts to that here to have fun with you but also here to be a supportive person who will allow you to create a safe space for yourself so that you can learn and it may not be what on the screen in front of you. You able to cry etc, your be able to let it out. I teach will a bit of yoga and deep breaths and how to ground yourself when things get super overwhelming let work together as community to support you and be a part of a conversation where I will heard you out and you will hear my voice and together we share in a really cool journey called a classroom. It not going going to be a normal year I know that but the adults are just as scared as you but let help each other out by taking break etc how ever that looks like to you. That what I want to share you guys today that my message to the kids Tommow in some form. It may take days and weeks to say as work with the flow but I learning not to expected anything just let it happen thanks
A couple of days ago I talked about having hard conversation about what been going on and I believe we need to start having them. One the ways we can start is by changing the way we tell people they can’t do something or shall not do that. Changing these ideas to yes you can do that. I work with kids and one the toughest part of the job that was helping rebuild their self esteem. So many times they are told what they can’t do or why do that behavior etc. one the things I started doing was calling the kids I work with super heroes and we work on we could channel their energy to make healthy choices. I would tell that I can’t fix you and I can’t stop you from acting the way you do that inside of you and it a choice. We want correct behavior but some times they know what they did just need the tools in which to do with. I watched my friend Iori Mardock for a while and she taught so much of how to reach into a child Mind and start playing with them and gain trust that way. It help shape me in my views. I use to yell and that doesn’t work. One of the hard conversations I had with myself was what can I do to bring healing to myself and the students I work with. One of the hard things was changing that mindset. I see that also working at river bend that we need to start having these kinds of conversations because I seeing in adults trauma that wasn’t process or they don’t they have trying to fix big issues and find the same solutions over and that don’t work. It going to take time to start having these conversations and hope the next few weeks to share more of ideas around this.
Today I going to talk about subject that that near and dear to me. It about finding one voice in a community that sometimes is in chaos. The other day I posted a video about love. One of the thing I was reflecting on more is the idea of it being autism awareness month and sometimes I still like we autistic can’t express who we are because we get put in labels etc that don’t away fit who we are. It hard for me sometimes to share because I feel like if I do I get judge or people won’t get the meaning because it so deep, we want to speak our minds etc. sometimes it just takes a while to process what is going on with us. I been struggling with this issue of speaking. It like I have things to say but can’t always put words to them that people would understand. It like my mind goes faster then I can process. I work with kids like that why I understand what it like not to heard. You shut down. In the non autistic community their were rules etc created that suppose to help but in sense made the problem worse. I not blaming I just saying that if you met one autistic person you haven’t met us all. For those non verbal they have a voice too. We all do. Let share with what we need to say with out judgement etc. we are use to protect others from hurt etc that we forget to teach how to have compassion, reasoning skills etc. I Been bully as kid and the pain still there it hurts but over time I been able to work on the healing that need to happen. It slow process but please give us a chance to express our gifts to the world. We can all learn from each other gifts
I share this the other days and because I was a bit sick I didn’t get a chance to read it more into and give you guys my view. The hardest place I see this happening in my is my work life and in my own inner self. Some times it a hard process for me what is autism and what is just plain trauma. When I was in college both in Mn and Pa. I know I masked big time, It was hard enough dealing with my own feeling and change. It was really hard to in dealing with dating and social stuff. People love it when I go out with them but for the most part, is really makes overwhelmed to be those places where one you have to act a certain way to fit that social nom and them be yourself. large gatherings like the church have the same feeling to me. I still get lost in all the rules of who I am supposed to be. One of the gifts for me has been seeing a Therapist who works me to help unmask myself she doesn’t tell me what to do, She lets me define myself of whom I am growing up to be. You see I learned over the last few weeks that ok to take the mask off it ok to show my beautiful side. But also ok to protect my self to find that place within me that wants loves. I spent a lot of my life not trusting etc. Like I said it hurt a lot but I come to a place where that by burning out and asking for help I can grow into a new person who doesn’t need to hide but can protect himself and be safe while still sharing who he is. my hope is for others is that same thing but for the younger generation of people with autism even any gen we need to do better at creating an emotional space where truth safe unmasking can happen thanks
today post is about the kind of new place I come into my life. I discovered that I can’t make decisions in my trauma brain as calling it. When emotions get to much for me I shut down which is ok sometimes but for me it a red light of something wrong is going on. For years I was able to be the calm one which is ok if you’re not dealing with issues I dealt with and I see in my job how many of the kids are dealing with the same issues. for me to make decisions from the heart is really hard as sometimes I don’t trust myself but it so much better than making decisions based on fear or pleasing others. I still in baby step with this but I see at my job that I need to keep smiling but also work on not shutting down with my emotions. Try to stay in the Moment with the kids I work with be present with them. That what they need from me is my love of being present and allowing themselves to express themselves sometimes it beautiful and other it scary to watch a meltdown but I see as a place to express for them a world that sometimes hard to deal with so many emotions at one time coming at you. Like I said we need to change the way we look at meltdown as not shaming it or making a bad thing but giving them the space to express themselves that is safe and giving the space to get out of that mindset into one where they are safe
So have a request I want to say an on my facebook a kind of interview of people with autism and their families to talk about the different etc, It would all be done live or we could tape it first and show it or do a post on my page if you didn’t feel safe doing live etc. The ideas here Is I want to show different sides etc, It would be based a lot on what I talk about anyway but deeper, no worries about hard subject etc I would based all interviews based on where the person level etc is and some times would write out questions but I like just going with the flow so any takers even if you don’t have autism etc but want to share some your idea on changing the world I want to hear from message me or just post down below if your interested thanks
So today is Easter. so happy easter. I had to chance to watch the Mr. Rogers doc on HBO. One of the messages that taught is how sometimes we need to tell kids of what going on in this world and how sometimes we need to listen to them. Sometimes we don’t like what we hear, I know that true with me. I love how Mr. Rogers talked to kids. It opens up something in me. Some, you know I leaving my job and I will leave Mpls public schools. I decided I love working with kids but It takes a lot of me. I still working out what is next for me but it thinks it going to be in the field of lobbying etc or something in that area. I still want to volunteer in the classroom, I know I will always place there. I still want to hear the voices of the students that I work with. Some times that gets lost. I am sad I am leaving, I still working on that part I have like 38 days or something like that. But I know whatever I do I will carry somethings so Powerful which called empathy and love. It something for a long time I struggle with how powerful it is in me. How much love I have for kids and other people. I saw that Mpls wasn’t that place for me to express that idea of who I am sometimes it hurts me in my own body. This first time in while I been able to put this into words. It still new to me of these feeling but I know that as I work too long in retail. I know that working at a level 4 isn’t the place for me. Like I said I don’t know what is next but I am going to finish out the year and work with a few mentors and a job coach and let you all know thanks. The one thing I know that I need to work on my self and my old idea of what it means to love my neighbor and to in sense what I learned in church today to remove the stone in my life so I can work on how I heal that part of me that got hurt as a kid. thanks